the distance to the sun.

A few hours ago, as I sat inside the Fort Bus and resigned to the fact that I was running late, I looked out of the window and everything outside was suddenly in soft focus; all encased in their own glow, or reflected from somewhere. Perhaps it was the surreality of the scene passing outside, or even perhaps coupled with my mood that I was unexpectedly drawn back to the present and found some different pieces that I have been holding in my mind suddenly falling into place. And I continued looking outside and just lost myself in the music I was listening to, not wanting to think at that moment, and felt that sudden unbearable lightness of being carried no weight anymore tonight and some more things in my mind floated away like errant ballons and were gone.

Then I got off the bus, went inside our building and in the enclosed space of the elevator, I realized that I had turned the volume up in my player loud enough to drown any ambient noise and the heady trip that I was having continued. The flourescent lights were also suddenly glaring tonight as I looked over the digital clock that read I was 19 minutes late for my graveyard shift. Then I went online and read an e-mail from you and reread old ones and thought perhaps that there was a habit starting to form somewhere here as I went through the motions of looking for you online. Then work intruded once more.

A quarter of a day later as l looked out of the 12th floor, I saw that morning had calmly intruded through the dark blue of the fading night and remembered that short ride a few hours back in the bus whose windows, covered in a sheer patina of dust and age, were soft focus lenses. Unconsciously, I ran my hand over my head and knew that my mind was still right there and if things were changing then this was just a sort of a follow through, the ripples going out in ever smaller and tinier circles.

I knew this also meant that I could feel again, that my emotions were right again, and that singular prevailing emotion was right back with me again. Alive and flowing through me; making me myself again.